In another beautiful example of technology being wrongly (oh, so wrongly) applied, a Spanish performance artist has found a way to literally molest scientific progress. There’s no fancy way to put this, so let’s just go: He’s jury rigged a system of portable powered projectors and attached them to his dick. He wanders the streets of Madrid, projecting gargantuan cocks onto the sides of government buildings, cathedrals, and probably sweeping over large crowds while making Godzilla sound effects.

“Oh no! It is a giant Spanish penis! AYAAAA! Who can stop Cockra, destroyer of worlds?!”

There are many things that need no technological advancement, and flashing is definitely one of them. The current method of flashing works perfectly, and it’s really quite simple:

A.) Find some pedestrians
B.) Show them your dick
C.) Enjoy!

Your ultimate end-game - wiggling cock at passer-by - is now accomplished. It is an elegant, uncluttered solution to that age-old problem of some people not seeing your wang. The real issue at hand is along the same lines as Morgui, The Stalker Robot’s problem. For some reason, sexual deviants are leapfrogging the average man technologically. Why do they have robots and cock-projectors, while at best we have mace and a flashlight?

Mace does nothing to Morgui, my friends. He has no eyes. No pain receptors. No mercy.

Certainly you could Mace the cock-projecting fellow, but you know what that will ultimately accomplish? He will scream, recoil, and flail about in pain. Or perhaps more importantly, he will scream, recoil and flail his cock about in pain. The very same cock that is being projected at 1000X magnification across the landscape, his painful gyrations now causing the flickering image to holographically mushroom stamp literally every living creature in sight. It is probably better, all told, to simply leave him alone and just try your best to stay out from underneath the giant balls wavering across the Parliament building.

Does he need the LED in the asshole? Pray to God that you never know the answer.

The truly sad thing is that this may lead to a mass condemnation of the technology on display here, when really, he has a pretty good idea. Personal projectors could have been useful in a lot of situations. But now if you see a guy with one, all you’ll think is “great, that guy’s gonna cover the Starbucks with his dick again. Guess I’m skipping coffee today.” It’s just a case of one rogue element ruining an otherwise sound system. In this case, it is the Performance Artist element. Allow me to illustrate with a diagram:

I hope that you can view future sketchy technological advancements with this dilemma in mind, and attempt not to condemn them on the basis of their horrifying results alone. It could merely be a case of another bad element corrupting the otherwise pristine concept. Here, maybe it will help you to better understand how one small aspect can change the entire principle if we replace the performance artist with another disruptive element. For example:

Just try to remember: It’s not the projector’s fault that spider-cocks are being beamed into your dreams.