If the Internet Wins the Nobel: A Proposed Acceptance Speech
New column up at Cracked, regarding such high-minded concepts as the Noble Peace Prize, the necessity of recognizing abstract concepts even if they do influence the world greatly, the works of Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr. and President Titties. Digg it because one of these things is not like the other; one of these things just doesn’t belong.
Read MoreThe 6 Most Aggressively Ridiculous Benders in Modern History
This week’s column is a collaborative effort with the illustrious Mr. Ian Fortey. It was written entirely by soft firelight, while listening to the subtle compositions of one Frederic Chopin, whilst sampling a variety of seasonal brandies and fine pipe tobaccos. It was a classy affair, throughout, and one well attended to. You may Digg it here, for propriety. Though do be discreet, fellows; a gentleman values discretion above all else.
Read More8 Amazing Stories of Ninja Failure
New column up at Cracked, regarding the tragic state of the ninja today. A personal anecdote: When I was 19 and coming down from a weekend camping and eating ’shrooms, I was listening to the radio in my car and heard them report that Central Park ninja story from #1. Up until the writing of this article, I always thought I was tripping and made it up. My friend Brandon was in the car with me and heard it too but, y’know… ’shrooms. He didn’t believe it was real either. Screaming “there’s an Oregon ninja in Central Park!” had about as much validity as me screaming “we’re all Gummi Bears!” the night before. But now we meet again! Digg it for kismet!
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