28 Nov 2009

5 Disturbing Ways the Human Body Will Evolve in the Future

So there’s a new article up at Cracked, dealing with the future of the human body and the many changes that techno-aw hell, who am I kidding? It’s mostly about the future of dick. Dick dick dick. You happy now? That’s what I do with my time. Go tell my parents or something, jerks. Also, Digg it here for some reason!

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18 Nov 2009

How Not to Deal with the Red Ring of Death

New column up at Cracked, dealing with that most painful, humiliating, shameful of issues: Gaming Dysfunction. I myself was recently molested by the RROD, and I hope my harrowing tale helps anybody else out there suffering from this. No, no don’t call me a hero - I am just a man. Digg it here, to let other RRODees know they’re not alone! Take back the night!

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11 Nov 2009

My Field Trip to the Large Hadron Collider

New column up at Cracked, regarding my rather poor understanding of advanced physics, my very poor understanding of journalistic integrity, and my unfathomably poor understanding of sexual misconduct laws. Also, I guess I owe Sweden like eight billion dollars in damages now, so if you all could Digg the article here I could sure use the ad revenue. Oh, I’m also stealing ad revenue from my employer now (in case that last part confused you).

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